What’s next

Something totally bazaar happened to me after we got Bear… My baby fever disappeared.  I don’t know if it will come back or not.  Will this satisfaction last forever? Have any other momma’s gone through this? While I know our family is not complete, I don’t HAVE to have a baby.  I never thought I’d say that.  I think I am thinking like a normal human being again.  When I see a cute baby I say, “Aww that baby is so cute”.  That’s a normal response.  But I am no longer thinking of ways I can hold that baby for hours on end.

Anyway, I would love for Bear to have a brother to run around with, but I would love another little girl too.  Honestly, I want to use both of the names I have planned for either a girl or boy.  For this reason, I have seriously been thinking about international adoption…again. If you’ve been following my blog since the beginning you know my heart has always been in Africa.  My mind has now expanded,  I would love to bring a baby home that needs a home, and I don’t care where they are from.

So, what’s holding me back?  I don’t know how on board The Hubs is.  I know he would get on board if I told him that’s the path I wanted to take.  I also have NO clue how we would come up for the money.  We can BARELY afford another private domestic adoption, so raising more than double that? That’s what I just don’t know about.  The thought of having extra money to put into classes and home improvements gets me really excited (every extra penny we’ve had has gone towards Bear’s adoption and now our next baby).   Everyone has this amazing faith when it comes towards it, “if it’s in your heart don’t worry about the money”.  That is some amazing faith.  And I have seen it time and time again.  But while I would love for God to be on my timeline we all know He doesn’t work like that.  And to be honest I want Bear to have what Honey and Pumpkin have.  So I would want to start asap, like yesterday.  But in order to start now we would need money, lots of money.  Plus it’s terrifying how slow Ethiopia is moving.  While we aren’t 100% set on ET that would be my first choice.  I would LOVE to meet our sponsor son.


To top it off.  As I’ve been debating all of this a facebook friend posted this.

BLAH!  HELP!!! What would you do? Seriously, what’s your input?


4 thoughts on “What’s next

  1. You know, I have felt this way. And I only have one! Which is funny, b.c I always assumed we would have like, six kids or something. I always wanted that, too. I love to plan, so I have come up with loads of different great plans for expanding our family. But in the end, my plans mean nothing. I am trying to learn to trust in God’s plan for our family. I am not sure what it looks like, but I am sure that it is better than mine. So I am trying to just have faith about that. That might mean that we end up with an only child, it might mean that we have ten or just one more. I have just been praying for peace about whatever it ends up being, and strength to follow where he leads.

    I also recently had the experience of thinking intensely about international adoption, China special needs boys in particular. I kept praying about it, thinking “is this something that we are meant to pursue?” Then, in the middle of all of this going on, some of our closest friends told us that they were applying to adopt a special needs boy from China! So sometimes I think that we are meant to go, other times, we are meant to pray and support others in going.

    Also, don’t worry about the age gap between Bear and his sisters, or Bear and your next possible child. There are four years between my brother and I and we were always very close growing up. We played together constantly. He even ended up marrying one of my friends. There are fourteen years between my husband and his sister, and they are extremely close as well.

    • You are so right. I know I need to trust His plans too. But I also feel, He wouldn’t give me the desire if it wasn’t in His plan to have another. hahahah Sometimes I try to trick God to think my plan is the best one. hahahah I am getting pretty antsy to be done with adoption, so we will be starting soon enough.

  2. I completely agree with God giving us that desire- and I think that he also gives that desire to our spouses, and that is an excellent sign that its time to move forward, when both of you have that. I have a question- would you mind emailing me with the name of your agency? You mentioned in the post domestic being half of what international would be, but they cost about the same at our agency (depending on the country, of course) I would love other options!

  3. Okay- all of our kids have been foster adopt (from our same county), but that trailer killed me. I can see why people are pulled in that direction. I, too, have struggled at times with whether our family was done adding children or whether our family picture was missing someone. We’re meeting with a social worker tomorrow about a little girl she’s picked to join our family, and couldn’t be happier. Though we still wonder if three will be it, or, like you, if we’ll end up with four (two boys and two girls). It’s such a hard thing to know until you’re in the moment and it just feels right. You’ll end up on the right path- hang in there! 🙂

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