Shock

I am just coming out and saying, Bear’s bmom is pregnant. I feel ok announcing it since she made her public announcements.  She texted me the day she found out.  I cried.  I was in total disbelief.  I thought we were past that stage and I just truly didn’t see it coming. When I found out she was just sitting in her apartment by herself I went over there.  I stayed until 1am and we talked.  We talked about her parenting and we talked about adoption.  We just talked.

The next day I called our agency and told them to hold off on showing our book until Bmom made up her mind one way or the other. The agency tried telling me that we should continue waiting because most birthparents who get pregnant within a year of placement keep the next child.  I totally understand that but I do not want to risk getting matched and Bmom coming to adoption and feeling like she can’t choose us.  And she has told me time and time again the decision is between her parenting or us.  That’s it.  While I know it’s not fair for her to make up her mind so soon, I am going crazy.  Of course we would LOVE another Bear (heck I would love another 30 Bears)! And what a special bond he would get to have with his full biological sibling. And for as much as we want this baby we equally know Bmom would be just as good of a parent.  There is no doubt she would love and sacrifice for her baby.  Bmom was nervous because we opened our homestudy only for an AA or biracial baby.  I tried explaining we would NEVER be upset or sad because our potential next child isn’t black.  We would love this baby equally as we do the rest of our children.  And I reminded her about how we thought we were going to have Petunia and Bear. Maybe that was God’s way to prepare us that our transracial family would just have one black child.  And I trust God’s plan a heck of a lot more than the plan I created in my mind.  Obviously, this is in God’s hands and we would both appreciate your prayers.  Prayers that she comes to whatever she decides with strong conviction and no hesitation.  Full confidence.   Prayers that she get the support she needs.  I told her we would be there every step of the way through this pregnancy and I truly mean it. Whatever path she chooses.  I’m not going to lie, that I get really excited thinking about going to ultrasound visits and listening to the heartbeat through the doppler and ,GASP, POSSIBLY being in the room for the delivery.  Truly, what a dream.

This is going to be hard. WAY harder this time.  She has even less support than she did with Bear and she knows exactly how difficult, but hopefully rewarding, path adoption is. It’s going to be HARD if she parents.  If she lived closer I could help her get through school and babysit while she works, but this time she would truly be on her own.

So please pray for her! And if you wouldn’t mind saying a tiny prayer for patience for me.  🙂

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6 thoughts on “Shock

  1. Wow! Sending many warm thoughts your way and hers. We’ve always wondered if we’d ever get “the call” that one of our birthmoms had given birth to another child who was in need of a home– but to actually have contact through the whole pregnancy would be amazing and scary. Wishing you peace until you know what the outcome will be.

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