************(this is a religious post. I do not intend to offend anyone with my feelings)******************
My friend asked me to go to a church close to my house that I tried a while ago, but had a negative impression of. Now that the hubs is off on Sunday’s I went with her. Just the two of us. The Hubs took our kids to the church we go to, all the way across town.
So we walked in and found our seats. It’s still weird to me that they don’t have a cross anywhere in there. Today’s talk was about sex. I know some people have a hard time talking about it, for whatever reason, so fine. Let’s talk sex. This is obviously a pretty controversial topic, along with politics, religion, etc. My friend asked me to leave within 3 minutes of the pastor talking. I told her no. Let’s just sit it out. Both of us are totally open sexually, so it definitely wan’t an embarrassment factor. I think she just wasn’t digging it. Well everything was fine. Some weird stuff said. Then a snowball effect, which resulted in some side eye action from the both of us.
First he talked about how it is your responsibility as christians to procreate. If you decide not to have children because you “can’t afford them”; then “stop being selfish and do what God called you to do.” …WHAT?!?! Some people literally cannot afford to have and raise a child. They should not have one just because they are married Christians. Some people just aren’t good with kids. It would be awesome to think God would work through their anger and frustration, but what if they were called to do something else? Ok I’m moving on. Then, he brought up infertility. (Oh boy, here we go) He said that last year he did a baptism for all the “infertile” miracles. Making it a joke/ God can heal all fertility issues. THEN…he said. “But God, why aren’t you giving me a child? Well we all know there’s someone else working. He is bad and he has a lot of power.” Implying it was in fact Satan who made me infertile, not God. I HAVE A BIG PROBLEM with this. God mapped out my life. He knew I wouldn’t choose adoption as a plan A, if it wasn’t for being an infertile. I am totally GRATEFUL I do NOT have a uterus. If I did, I wouldn’t have Honey, Bear, and baby to be. I would like to think at some point I would have done an international adoption, if we could in fact have bio babies. But the truth is, adoption is HARD. It’s financially draining. It’s emotionally taxing. There’s no way around it. Adoption is not all rainbows and glitter. It for sure is a double edge sword. My pleasure of family comes from someone else’s devastation and love. Ok, but I am strong. I know satan didn’t make me infertile. But what about anyone else in the audience waiting for God to bless them with a biological child. Do they now feel like satan has a hold on them? I feel like that would be a really hard thing to deal with. Not only are you worrying month to month. You are trying to undo anything that is keeping satan tied on to you. So, I looked at Shannon and said, “I’m pissed” to which, the man behind me said, not so under his breathe, “I don’t see anywhere in there (meaning the bible) where it says you two can get married”. He thought we were lesbians, that won’t be the first time and won’t be the last people have assumed that I am. I don’t care. What I DO care about, was his closed mindedness. His wife quickly shushed him up. Seriously, how rude!
Then, during their last video’s there was a black man talking about being molested as a child. About how sex is sacred and how he will save himself for marriage. About how if the relationship got at all sexual he would bolt. He broke up with them instantly because he could only see them as sexual being. Now, I think saving yourself for marriage is an amazing thing. But while everyone else was hooping on about the video, we looked at each other and said, this is not at all normal. He really needs to be in therapy to deal with his molestation and fear of intimacy. He was clearly using God as a blockade, so he wouldn’t have to deal with his emotions. So, that made us more upset. But during the video the man said, “realer…Did I just say realer? I mean more real.” Everyone laughed, except the jerk behind me who said, “listen to him. He’s trying to be good”. I took that to mean, he was implying the man was trying to talk differently than he normally would for the video.
I guess, I’m writing this as a therapy. I tried to find the pastor after to talk to him about implying adoption should be a plan B. About saying satan, not God, was responsible for my infertility. I couldn’t find him.