Hopeless

One of my great friends is going through some pain.  Her and her husband were planning on an international adoption.  If you aren’t familiar, there have been a lot of problems going on with international adoptions.  Africa has seen enormous roadblocks.   They feel hopeless, or defeated.  It breaks my heart because I remember how I felt after we had Pumpkin.  We started the path for Ethiopia and when we realized it wasn’t going to happen.  I felt such a passion and when I realized nobody else did (or rather not as much as me) I was crushed.  I didn’t want to give up on that dream.  I held on to it tightly for 9 months.  Then when I lost all hope we turned to our plan F. We became foster parents.  We didn’t become foster parents to help the kids. We didn’t do it to reunite families.  We did it for the worst reason possible.  We wanted to add to our family.  We only took placements/ children with VERY high likelihood of adoption (legal risk).  Some counties won’t tell you if the placement is legal risk.  But you can find out if you ask,

A. Have the birthparents had any previous children PC’ed?

B. Will there be visits?

C. What is the goal (reunification vs adoption).

D. Have all family members been contacted?

When we were called on Honey before we were even officially licensed (knowing she would be available for adoption almost immediately) we were elated Then we got Sweet Potato, we were told there was 100% chance of us adopting him. I was telling everyone they should become foster parents.  They are just throwing babies at you. Of course if you’ve been following my story, you know that our hearts were destroyed.

We didn’t turn towards domestic adoption sooner, because 1. I didn’t ever think we would get chosen. We had a biological child and we were fat. 2. I didn’t think we could afford it.

When we were hopeless again, we turned towards private domestic adoption.  I figured we would be waiting years.  Again, this time, I didn’t think we would get matched but now I was more involved with the adoption community and learned there was a chance. For some totally insane reason, AA kids, especially boys were “harder to match”.  That’s what I was told anyway.  But I now know, at least in our region, that is not the truth. There may be less people willing to adopt AA children but there are equally as many willing.  I hate even writing that.  It drives me crazy that is even an issue for people.

Well, not only were we matched three times SUPER fast, we got our forever son and the birthparents we were so clearly meant to spend our lives with.  God has a plan, and it’s so hard to find the route where you will meet your child.  How do you know you are on the right path?  How do you know which path to choose?

Have you ever felt desperate to add to your family and felt like it would never happen, or at least not how you imagined?  Do you have any words of encouragement for our friends?  They are so clearly meant to be parents. And they will be AMAZING.  After we officially get our baby in our arms, all of my efforts will be spent trying to get a baby in my friend’s.

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2 thoughts on “Hopeless

  1. Like we talked about the other night, no matter which way you do it, adoption is hard. Really hard. Being on the other side of two international adoptions, I can say with certainly that it was the right choice for us. Witnessing how your family has grown, it has obviously been the best choice for us. There is risk no matter which path you choose. There is probably going to be some heartache as well as you and I both know. But, oh, there’s joy. So much joy, too. And that is what makes it all worth it.

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