Not a day goes by where I don’t think of my sons’ birthparents and pray for them and thank them.
In this day and age it is pretty uncommon to have a closed adoption. I think a lot of couples going into adoption think they want it closed. Birthparents seem threatening. I can understand that. But the second your agency educates you on what it is to have openness, I don’t understand not changing your mind. I guess that’s where things go sour though. If you don’t have a good agency and you only have one that makes you read a book or little more than total non education, I can see how your opinion would not change.
I have experienced more loss than the typical adoptive parent. And I think the struggle I went/go through with Sweet Potato, Peanut, and Petunia make me more empathetic to the loss that the birthparents feel. I don’t know if that the truth or not but that’s kind of how I feel.
I LOVE our boys birthparents. Like Love Love them. Both of them.
And with that, I think it’s time I tried to reach out to Honey’s birthparents. She goes back and forth, in extremes, one minute wanting me to and the next desperately not. But I think it’s time. I want to reach out to her and give her a place to reach out to me. Our agency said they would be able to send it totally confidential. We will need to build a slow healthy relationship. If at any point Honey doesn’t want to or is acting out, we will cut off contact. She comes first. Her story is different than the boys. She was hurt, badly, by her birthparents. They were not ideal. Hence why they were cut off from her and placed with us. That decision was made for my girl. It was not an act of love. She was harmed and it was proven that going back to her birthparents would be even more harmful. I understand fighting for your child. I understand why she didn’t want to let her go. But there is a selfishness that comes with allowing your child to fester in foster care for years.
I am going to open myself up, see where things go, and hope to find love for Honey’s birthparents. They are part of her. I need to let my resentment go for the harm they caused my sweet girl. So here it goes. The first draft of my letter.